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I am never endingly amused by this.

The Last Thing We Need...

Is more war. We can't handle a two-front, how could we do a three? Iraq, Iran and Afghanistan...
Holy shit.

I keep hearing rumors and concerns--it's all over the blogosphere and the news. And that makes me worry and ache and want to disbelieve all this crap. There is no way in hell we can pull a three front. We'll collapse, without out a doubt.

An Open Letter to Smelly, Pretentious Poser Hippies

Dear Smelly Poser Hippies,

I can smell you across the counter. Even if I step back. I can tell you don't use deodorant either, and you smell like oil and dirt and unwashed hair and old food, not flowers. Your dreds look like you slathered them with Crisco before you left the house. The stains on your shirt are not attractive and holes generally mean it's time to buy a new one.
And then you prattle on about the art of espresso and how our machines make it inferiorly to your carpal tunnel-causing, tedious preferred method--really, do you think Starbucks would use a Verssimo machine if it wasn't just as good? Yeah, the art is gone, but it tastes just the same--possibly better because it's harder to fuck up.
And you're at a Starbucks for heaven's sake! If you really were a hard-working, mother-earth-loving, real hippie, you'd go to a local cafe, not the sprawling, transnational pillar of suburban society that we are.
But you come groveling to us for a caffeine fix, while complaining about how we don't make it strong enough and how the art is gone and how it's so much better in the Northwest because they make properly strong coffee and how if we really loved coffee, we'd go up there.
We work at Starbucks. We know what good coffee tastes like and we can make it here. Ask for a French press instead of looking like an ass in front of the baristas. Ask for more shots instead of pretend you know what you're talking about, because we know you don't.
Do you know why you think they make it better up there? It's a national myth, started because Starbucks came from there. No other reason, really.
So take yer cup of supposedly inferior coffee, go take a bath and become a real hippie someplace else.

Love,
Every Starbucks Barista That Has Ever Had To Put Up With You

Incredible Surrealist Painter

Andrew Brandou is probably my new favorite artist. His stuff is amazing--eerie, colorful and weirdly cute. It's like a mad Mexican Tim Burton broke into Disney's animation studios in the 50s.
Here's a couple of my favorites from the gallery sections called "Everyone's Happier Now That You're Gone":

Most amazing thing EVER

Agelio Batle, Sculptor: Collections

Seriously, I want me one of these. They're absolutely beautiful and incredibly elegant. I'd never use them, though. They'd sit forever on my desk or my dresser--someplace I can look at them. See them easily and display them, since good God, that's what they deserve.
They're simple, everyday things, made of perfectly useable graphite and they're amazing.

Pregnancy Makes You Less Than Human

There’s been a chain letter/bulletin/what-have-you floating around called “It’s a Baby, Not a Choice.” In it, it describes one nurse’s horror story of witnessing a partial-birth abortion, accompanied by the “fact” that abortions performed (within the legal period to receive one, mind) by the “saline” method (wherein saline solutions are used to flush the womb) burn the fetus to death, causing it extreme amounts of pain.

I have some serious issues with this chain, and the fact that people I hold near and dear are sending it to me is only a small part.

First of all, partial-birth abortions are (last time I checked) ILLEGAL in the United States and most of the western world. Because most people recognise that a baby IS an actual baby by the second trimester (roughly a 6-month old fetus). I realized that descriptions of this illegal procedure, usually gory enough to be the stuff of pulp-magazines, is a favorite tactic of pro-lifers to scare those who—God forbid—think a woman has just as much right to a life she chooses as a baby.

I have noticed that many pro-life enthusiasts (not all, mind you, but many) seem to only care about your unborn baby until it becomes a BORN baby. Do not, under any circumstances, get rid of that fetus. No, we’re not going to help you pay the hospital bills for him, or help you buy diapers or bottles. When you have to enlist for WIC and live in Section-8 housing, we’re not going to try and help you better your situation, but we will send you pamphlets on how people like you are destroying the moral fiber of society, and how us upright citizens shouldn’t have to support you scum with our tax dollars. We’re going to give you dirty looks in stores and on the streets if you’re too young or unwed.

It doesn’t matter that we fully support a government that will only fund abstinence-based sex ed programs for our young people. It doesn’t matter that we allow –and even encourage—our sons to sow their wild oats, to hunt, to conquer with no societal repercussions, while any girl who gives into their wiles is a whore or a slut. It doesn’t matter that we are unwilling to fund better school systems for that poor baby you carried to term, and that we refuse to give him affordable (and DECENT) healthcare because that would mean a considerable spike in our taxes.

And before you get all bent out of shape, and assume I’m some commie-licking hippie skank who’s had four abortions already, let me set something straight: I have never had an abortion, and I have never been pregnant. I am not a recipient of any sort of welfare program. I work for my money, I vote every election, and I do love America, although I do recognize there’s room for us to improve.

I understand you feel that every child has a right to be born. I just want you to understand that by being born, some children will face a wretched lot in life. And I want you to understand that, as much as you dislike it, a woman deserves control over her body—and whatever happens to be in it.

Westboro Baptist Church in Legal Trouble

How deeply this makes me gloat. If you don't know any thing about these freaks, here's a link.
These cats are more than a little fucked in the head, and it makes me happy that they're finally getting some (legally, too!) for the amount of distress they've caused, the youth they've corrupted, and stupidity they've spread.